You don’t need more friends, you need more ‘friends with benefits’ instead
Too many people, too little time- so choose wisely
First off, I would like to clarify that what I meant by the term ‘friends with benefits’ is not what you think it is. (Friends just for sex? Yes, not that)
I shall define it for you then.
‘Friends with benefits’ are friends that makes you feel good mentally, helps with your personal growth and development, helps you get through those tough moments in life (and stops you from shooting yourself in the head when shit happens)…
You got the gist.
To me, my consideration of a friend is pretty loose and consist of pretty much all humane humans, animals, plants…anything in nature essentially (and yes even that annoying driver that honked at me; thinking about the times when if my dad was sitting at the passenger seat he would have said something along the lines of: “just let our friend go”)
So no, I don’t need more friends.
Even If you don’t coin the term ‘friends’ as loosely as I do, I still think you have way more than enough friends.
And If you feel lonely, thinking it’s because you don’t have enough friends… Trust me, making more friends won’t make your feeling of loneliness go away. (Sure it might temporarily, but those feelings will rebound eventually; unless you learn to be happy with solitude, be happy with just being with YOU)
Hence in reality you only need 5 friends, ‘friends with benefits’ that is.
“You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.”- Jim Rohn
Basically the five people closest to you shape your success, your interests and cultivate a happier, healthier, generally better YOU.
If you’re like me and you’re overwhelmed with all the possibilities and having to decide whom I wanna give myself to… (too many people, too little time)
Here are some questions I’ve asked myself (and you could too) at times like so:
Can you intellectually stimulate each other?
Can you ask each other tough, thought-provoking questions and conceptualize answers together that helps each other live up to their best potential?
The weather, sports scores, frivolous gossip… no small talks please.
“Did you know Kim Kardashian had a new baby?” -you know what, I don’t f*cking care.
Can you make each other feel good?
Can you ask and provide each other good advice? Compliment and support each other in whatever path they chose to take in life? Understand each other at a deeper level and able to LOL together?
Do they make you wanna be a better version of yourself and vice versa?
Do you admire each other good qualities and habits? Is there motivation to help each other to improve oneself and develop a lifestyle that one enjoys?
For those who are introverted, this is probably great news for you (I only need to have 5 friends? YAY!).
But for those who are closer to the extroverted spectrum, I’m not telling you to stick to just having 5 BEST friends and close off everyone else. (FYI I definitely have WAY more than 5)
Be open to meet everyone, without judgement or bias. And if you really enjoyed each other’s company, go ahead and meet up more often. But if both of you don’t click and you don’t wanna hang out with them anymore; it’s ok to say no too, in a kind way of course.
Life is an asshole and you can’t have everything.
Realistically with the time you have, you can only have so many people in your life.
Be honest and ask yourself, do the people around you represent things you value?
It’s better to spend more of your effort making a difference in the lives of those few friends than to have lots of friends but barely know anything about them and them about you.
So go ahead, make or cultivate those ‘friends with benefits’.
In essence, develop symbiotic, transformational relationships.
Thank you for reading, my friend:)