Why I swore off dating apps starting 2018
Tinder, Okcupid, Bumble, Eastmeeteast, Coffeemeetsbagels, and probably others that I’ve made a profile at but never got around to experimenting with it- because I’ve only got 24 hours a day and sadly I still need to spend time working on other stuff to pay for these apps (unless I actually get paid to use these apps then Its a different story)
So yes I talked to innumerable guys via these apps, went out on numerous 1st dates, some 2nd, heck even 3rd and 4th dates.
Guess what? I’m single. STILL single. ‘Never have I been in a relationship in my life’ single. Ok no I lied. I was in one but we did not meet through a dating app…( If i’m not mistaken, one does not consider LinkedIn a dating app)
2018 is definitely a motivation to look back and think ‘‘WTF have I been doing with my life” or, I mean reflect; and figure out why these dating apps are not working for me.
- Every first date is like a job interview, where one markets their best self and tries to impress (or in the case of dating apps- keep up with their glamorous ‘resume’); and one ‘judges’ to see fit within their ‘criteria’; except this works both ways whereby each individual plays both the role of the employer and the employee simultaneously. I don’t know about you, but I hate going for job interviews because they can get pretty stressful. And although I have never been a job employer but I can imagine It can get pretty mundane when you have to spend time meeting people you feel disconnected with.
- I would rather use my time to read books, go to the gym, write, bake…(I could go on forever) than ‘netflix and chill’. Although I did realize my significant time waster was spent swiping through these apps and chatting with guys that I probably don’t(and never will) end up meeting with. Hence, the ‘new year resolution’.
3. My lack of self-confidence might be a factor. Whenever I develop feelings for someone, I back away; thinking that I’m not good enough for them. Or that If I got too close he’ll know all my weaknesses and break ties with me. Funnily enough, I’m often the one that encourages people to be confident and I’m fully aware of these self-negating thoughts of ‘i’m not good enough’ but somehow…Well I suppose this new year imma work on some new skills(writing!) and projects that will(hopefully) give me that boost I need.
4. Will I be happier If I were to be in a romantic relationship? I don’t think so. Happiness is a feeling. And I am in charge of how I feel. So being single or in a relationship, I can still choose to be happy regardless. Be happy that I have strong relationships with my friends and family; be happy that I have time to invest in myself and these current relationships that matters a lot to me.
“Remove the things in your life that get in the way of the “best” things. Or, be highly thoughtful about how you keep these things in your life. You don’t have much time on this planet.” — Benjamin P. Hardy
In conclusion, not to say I’m swearing off dating and being in a romantic relationship forever; but I’m not ‘desperately’ searching for one. So in the mean time I’ll be using those ‘time for swiping’ to work on my writing instead, perhaps even develop some reader/writer connections?