The one regret I wish I could turn back time for
Out of the many regrets
Recently I went through my pictures on Facebook, scrolling down right to the first, ever picture I have posted- 11 years ago.
So many things had happened: A picture of me with my high school buddies on the top of Mount Kinabalu (highest mountain in SE Asia), a picture of me dirt road biking in Laos, a picture of me competing in a long distance race (albeit not a pleasant look), a picture of me doing an impersonation contest as Leia from Star Wars (which series of movies I don’t even watch lol) etc.
Without these pictures, I don’t think I’ll ever have a recollection of these memories. Yet even with these pictures, whatever memories I have right now that I shall consider valid is me performing these action. Other memories formed around it MIGHT or MIGHT NOT be true.
HOW I was really feeling (If I was smiling It doesn’t mean I’m happy, we are wired to always ‘smile’ for the cameras anyway), WHAT I was really thinking, WHERE exactly I was (especially If I was traveling- my sense of location is not the best), WHEN exactly did it happened (dates posted on FB does not equal actual date of occurrence), WHO else exactly was I with……It’s all pretty vague to me right now.
Needless to say, those tiny moments which I didn’t have tangible pictures to ‘prove’? (Me going crazy in Toys “r” us or playing with my collection of pet ants etc.). I’m not too sure anymore. Some people have terrific memory and can recall much details about their past in vivid details(sadly I’m not one of them). But then again memories are unreliable, apparently.
Although I’m not gonna blame it all on my ‘terrible’ memory.
I blame it on the fact that I did not make an effort to journal my day, every single day.
Write down every single details. How I felt at that time. Did I really enjoyed myself? Was I really happy doing whatever I did? What was my motivation of doing it? What did I learned from my experience?
I probably gave the excuse: “But I don’t have enough time!”, “But my life is so boring and its the same thing everyday!”
Bullshit.
You can spend 2 hours comparing prices of different brands in supermarkets, or you can watch at least one k-drama episode (an hour+) and read k-pop news diligently everyday; or you can just spend time thinking about how somebody is always better than you are and constantly putting yourself down but not doing anything that will actually improve yourself; among other things.
Yea yea I get it. Live your life with no regrets.
There are a lot of regrets in life that I can shrug it off and say “oh well, no point mourning over it anymore, life goes on”. I just don’t make the same mistake next time, or I know I can do it again in the future.
But in this case it’s not something I can “start over” per say or something I can consult others about(some exceptions apply).
So where’s the self-compassion, girl?
Well, it is something I can “start again” at least.
Looking forward now I try to journal everyday, or make a point to at least write something (one sentence counts!) about that day. Journalling also helps me be more mindful and really dig deep and really get to know myself.
Because to really know and own yourself- that’s the biggest asset that anyone has. One that everybody have equal rights to. Not money, properties, investments etc.
Know your strengths and weaknesses, what you like/dislike, what you truly value(not based upon societal expectations), how your experiences shaped who you are today- and be able to tell your story.
So you’ve spent countless hours scrolling through daily k-pop news. Did a few odd job here and there(babysitting, passing out flyers etc.). You were never president of some club or did missionary work teaching English to poor children in Ghana etc.
Life does sound pretty boring and ‘wasted’.
But If you tap into each experience and find the things you can be grateful about despite the mundane; it can be much beneficial in the long run.
And for those who did some pretty cool shit like travelling all over the world etc. you better be reflecting on those because it doesn’t happen everyday, or for most people even.
Instead of “WTF did I do with my life?!” *shakes head in regrets
Rephrase that to “WTF, I actually DID these in my life?!” *amazed and rejoices
So now you’re in a somewhat unique position. But how do you make this your USP(unique selling point)?
How you felt during these “common” experiences and what you learned(about yourself, others and your interaction with others) is ultimately what sets you apart from another individual and what makes you truly YOU.
Get this right and ultimately, you’re on your way to SUCCESS (regardless how you define it- monetary/fulfillment etc., it applies all the same).
So stop complaining about being inexperienced, not being talented enough, not being famous enough and so on…
Start looking inwards and discover yourself. Reflect upon daily routines/behaviours/thoughts. Who are you?
Be interesting. Be real. Be of value.
Go do this asap (after reading my article of course):
Step 1: Put down that goddamn phone or throw it in the drawer (because you know you can’t resist scrolling through FB after this)
Step 2: Grab a notebook and a pen/pencil (whichever you fancy writing with)
Step 3: Start journalling today.
Actually, hold up.
Give me a shout or clap/share If you like my article, it does mean a lot to me=)
Now you can go hehe. XOXO
Tien